I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
