I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
