Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
