one two three fourrrrnication!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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