And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
