Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
