Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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