I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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