whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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