Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
