Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
