It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just had sex bonerless
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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