either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
