Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Blow job season was short but glorious.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
