i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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