My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
