i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
