i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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