Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
