You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
