this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
