Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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