I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
