my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Less talking, more tequila
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
