Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
