I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
