if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
