I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
