i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
