distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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