you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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