Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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