I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
