Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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