I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
