'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
