I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
