How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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