I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
