I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
