no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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