where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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