covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
two words: eviction party
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
