State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
