my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
4 words: hood of his car
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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