she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
