he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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