I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
