She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
