It's like God shit irony all over that family
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
