I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
