Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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