He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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