There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
