im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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