Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
