i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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