Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
