I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
